woah...i haven't been on here for a very, very long time. i apologize, but as i mentioned in my last post, i had a little bit of soul searching to do. Here's a recap of the last few months: i haven't been to Young Life since November, i recently hung out with one of my YL leaders for the first time since Christmas season, track started about a month ago...oh, and i have totally, utterly, and completely ignored the Lord over the past four or five months.
yeah..that last one threw me off too. When i stopped going to Young Life, i had no intention of giving up the practice of my faith. but thats how it worked out. i haven't read my bible since i quit going, nor have i felt the need to. i convinced myself that i would be fine, but the empty feeling that one gets after ignoring the Lord has eaten away at me, and i can no longer ignore my own Creator. once you have felt his love and glory, there's no way to ignore it, no matter how hard you try. I'm not completely sure that going back to Young Life is the answer, however i know that i have dug myself a very deep grave, and the only way to remove myself is through the Lord.
Not only did i try to ignore the Lord, but i also tried to ignore some of my best friends. Seeing my Young Life leader this past weekend was amazing. i missed her so much. i miss all the YL leaders so much, but i am a stubborn gal, and refuse to go back to things i have already declared myself separated from... ;that seems to be my tragic flaw in life. Stubbornness can be a good thing, but in my case, it is closely related to stupidity. i pray that the Lord gives me strength to go back to those i love, and ignore what i have said about them in my past. i tend to say things i dont mean when i am confused or angry. i apologize to all that i may have hurt, especially my YL leaders who have been so good to me.
i believe that the Lord is very forgiving, even when you feel you shouldn't be forgiven. i feel disgusted with myself. looking back on it, these past few months have been very hard to go through without prayer. i never want to feel this way again. I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life as well as an amazing Father to watch over me.
