I'm not perfect

Over the course of writing this blog, i have tried to write about personal triumphs, I try to remind everyone that there is light at the end of the tunnel and to not give up. Recently i have found that it is much easier to tell you all about my victories as apposed to my hard times. that really isn't fair to you though, i shouldn't be painting this picture of myself as a completely happy and care free person becaused i am very far from such a thing. so today, im gonna go ahead and let you know that my life isn't always bright and sunny, and that sometimes, i find it very, very, very hard to maintain my Christian faith.

As a senior, my current goal is to find out where i will spend the next 4 years of my life studying and most likely playing soccer. After my most recent college visit i realized that college really is like being on my own. I won't have to tell my mother and father where i am going and i can pretty much do what ever my heart desires at the time. after returing from my visit, i began to think about what "College Lilly" would be like. Will i be able to find a group of people who don't party and don't do all the things i have spent the past two years over coming? What if i WANT to drink?

lately i've been bored with my new Christian lifestyle. it's hard knowing that i am no longer content with Young Life, an orginaization that has been with me the whole way through this journey. things have changed though, and i don't know if i want to be a part of that change. I am so thankful for Northern Kentucky Young Life. but i'm not sure that the Young Life i see now is the Young Life that i fell in love with two years ago. Maybe it's me thats changed, maybe I'm the problem. but then again, maybe not.

once again, i'm not really sure if you have taken any life changing lesson away from this. But i feel i owe it to you to show you that even though i write a lot about the awesome parts of being a Christian, it is still very hard. the saying "Nobody said it would be easy, they said it would be worth it" holds very true in the Christian faith. Becoming a Christian doesn't make your problems dissapear. But it does give you a source of strength to overcome those problems. I am human, i have a lot of issues. Wanting to drink and debating on whether i will finish my senior year as a part of Young Life or not are both huge choices i have to make. I have a lot of things to work on, but luckily i have a loving God to lead me.

Thanksgiving

i hope everyone enjoyed this Thanksgiving, spending lots of time with those you love! This year i have A LOT to be thankful for! i have come such a long way and have made a life for myself that i actually love living. The people i have met and friends i have made over the past two years have been such blessings. It really is a shame that this is one of the few days of the year that i really express how thankful i am for everyone, but i hope that this post makes up for that!

1. Above all else, i am Thankful for Jesus Christ, without whom i would be in a much darker place and would not be the person i am today. He is my savior.

2. Steen(yes, i have a friend who goes by Steen...) i love you so much. You have been like a sister to me, and so much more. i really have no way to describe how thankful i am for you. You are amazing, I love seeing Christ work through you and pray that some day i may be able to do the same. Thank you for always being there, and for helping me through these past years. You are such a blessing, and i am sorry that there are no words to really express how much i mean that.

3. Claire- you too, are like a sister. i know sometimes i give you a lot of crap, but just remember that it is because i love you and want what is best for you. i can't wait to see the wonderful woman you become. regardless of what you decide to do after high school, you will succeed. you are the little sister i never had. it will be hard going to school without you, but i suppose it had to happen sooner or later. just be smart, keep your head up, and never stop smiling.

4. My brothers and sisters- no, we dont get along too often. no, we arent as close as i feel like we should be. and no, we aren't all the same. but i love you all. You guys have helped make me the person i am today. if it weren't for you guys, i very well might go insane in this house. i'm sorry that i'm sometimes a brat, but hopefully after i go to college and become an adult, i might start acting like one :)

5. Dad.  i love you with all my heart. You are my number one fan, on and off the field. thank you for supporting me in everything i want to do. i can't wait to make you proud in college soccer, and i can't wait for you to see me play again. i'm going to miss you next year, but i'm sure you will check in on me enough, it will feel like i never left :)

With out the good Lord, i would not be where i am today. i would not be writing a blog, attempting to inspire complete strangers. am i wasting my time? maybe. Do i mind? not at all. Glorifying God is something to be done at all times, not just when people are watching. honestly, i have NO IDEA how many people really read this. but i am a firm believer in quality over quantity. so whether it is 1 person, or 100, i hope i have inspired you to take a minute or two, and think about what you are thankful for. Then when you are done, thank God. He is the reason i do this, and deserves all the glory in the world. Happy Thanksgiving, and God Bless.

one simple comment

this week in my english class, i was given a compliment that would make me feel better about myself than i have in a long time. while we were "working" in small groups, my group got to talking about college. we all said what we wanted to do with our lives and talked about what college we wanted to go to. i began talking about how i want to major in history and minor in youth ministry. i told them how i didn't know if i wanted to teach or search for a job in a museum or work as an archivist. i then also told them how i was hesitant to search for a job as an archivist because i felt it would take me away from where i live now, which is also where i would like to live, as well as become a Young Life leader, after college. just talking about it made me stressed. then, one of the girls in my group looked at me with a smile and said "Lilly, i have a feeling that no matter what you do with your life, your going to be great at it"

wow...did i really just hear that? did someone just say that to me? i'm still shocked. i am the type of person who does not always see themselves the way others see me. i tend to shy away from compliments and have never been fully confident in myself, whether in be intellectually or physically. but to hear something like that, face to face, it means a lot. it makes me smile just thinking about it.

if there is anything that senior year has taught me thus far, its that i am going to be okay. no matter what i do with my life, i am going to glorify God and live for him. i'm not going to lie, im nervous about leaving my home to go to a school that is completely foreign to me. But i trust in the Lord and his path for me. although my lack of confidence still hinders, i know that He gives me strength and will be by my side.

Life As A Teen

Well it's my senior year now, and i was not at all prepared for what i was up against. Senior year is supposed to be fun and care free, because lets be honest, we're practically already in college ;) But i have found that these expectations of senior year are far from the truth. Between reseach papers and social life (or lack of), senior year has been quite the curve ball. My mother and i recently got in an argument about my stress level. According to her i really have no reason to be stressed, i have easy classes and peer pressure apparently isn't hard for me because i am a Christian. That, my friends, is false. At my school, it realy doesnt matter what classes you take, because every senior has to complete an outrageous research paper, and its no easy task. 10 source cards, then 100 note cards on infornation gathered from those sources..it sucks. But i would rather do 50 of these research projects than deal with the pressure to drink and party. Regarless of who you are, christian or not, the pressure to go out and party is so strong. as someone who has lived the party life style, i can say that it is something that, at times, sounds so appealing. its hard being a teenager at times like these. either you go out and drink, and know that you are not living the life you were mant to live, or you dont and get ridiculed by other teens for not being fun. Being a Christian does not fix all my problems, but i now know that i have the strength to over come the problems put in front of me.

Adults, dont underestimate the amount of stress high schoolers go through. just because we dont have to deal with your crappy boss or annoying co-worker doesnt mean we walk through out days without a problem. High school is tough, and it takes a lot to stand up to all the pressure presented to us.

Teens, you arent the only one dealing with these pressures. i understand how hard it is. But i promise you that the strugges you go though now will make you stonger than ever. you truly can do anything through Christ who strengthens you.

Making the most of my down time

Growing up in a Catholic school, I began to despise every moment I had to be in church or religion class. But now, every free second I have I am using to work at my relationship with Christ. There are so many moments throughout the day that I am just sitting there doing nothing productive. For example, right now I am in my english class with nothing to do because I finished my work in 15 minutes. Instead of laying my head down or talking, I am typing up this post. I dont want to waste any more time in my life with silly things. I used to listen to my Mac Miller station on Pandora while mowing the lawn. Now I listen to christian stations and worship while mowing, that's two hours with the Lord that I didn't have before. I can't think of anything I would rather do than praise Lord.

I would encourage everyone reading this to do what I've done. Make the most of your day. Don't waste time doing something without purpose when you could be doing the most purposeful task in the world, worshiping our God.

First Step To My Future

as you may have seen in my previous post, i am completely in love with the sport of soccer. a lot of time has passed but i wanted to let you know that my senior soccer season has officially ended. After losing in the first round of the regional tournament, we were sent home with tears in our eyes, well not all of us. Of the 7 seniors on my team, i am the only one who did not cry. Why? My season has been done for over a month.
while playing in a district game i jumped into the air for a head ball, and landed on the outside of my right foot. (i heard a crack...ew) Nothing was broken but i did end up with a high ankle sprain, ending my senior soccer season a month early. when i hit the ground and heard my ligaments crack, i prayed. i prayed harder than i have my whole life. While lying on a soccer field, crying my eyes out, and trying to contain myself, i prayed to the good Lord that i would be able to play again. i prayed that this was not the end of my soccer career. when i made it to the doctor in crutches the next day, he told me that i was done for the season. Heart broken. That is the only way i can describe how i felt. i was in disbelief, why would this happen? i was having the best season of my life. after realizing that i was done with soccer, i committed to becoming a young life leader, and that was the end of that, or so i thought :)
two weeks after the injury i received an e mail from the small college that i had been speaking to about playing for. they were aware of the injury and i was eager to hear what they said. they told me they wanted me on their team "regardless of injury". they offered me a scholarship. the Lord delivered!!!!! My prayers were answered and i am so thankful. i cannot explain how much this means to me. To be able to play real soccer again is a dream that i had kissed good bye. God is so so so good. He has given me a second chance, and there is no way i could thank Him enough.

i would like to apologize to anyone reading this who is not happy that i will be leaving home. especially my YL leaders. i love you all like family, and i don't mean to offend you with my enthusiasm about leaving, however this is a dream come true and i hope you understand that. you all have been amazing to me and i love each of you.

My dreams seem to be working out, but to anyone who reads this, please remember; the Lord knows what's best for you. i once heard a quote that said, "Sometimes Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" i am a strong believer in that. Trust in the Lord with all your heard, and know that He loves you, and is going to do what is best for you.

Just another hurdle in my life...

Time to tell you guys a little bit more about me. My whole life i have always been into sports, i love watching them, playing them, and everything about them. Sports have always given me a sense of accomplishment. I've never been the best at soccer, but i've never been "bad" at it by any definition of the word. Recently though things have changed. Soccer, the thing that has been with me my whole life no longer makes me happy the way it  once did. I don't love the game as much as i used to and that translates into me letting my team down. Since the season has started i have found myself in some sort of depression. Until literally 10 minutes ago i didn't know what to do. I came up with excuses as to why i haven't been happy with my life. But then i thought, what have you been filling your life with, Lilly? Soccer, hatred, envy, and overall, not what i should be filling it with. It never really occurred to me just how many little things in life i need God for, including sports. Since my season has started i haven't read my bible more than once or twice, i haven't sat down and just talked with God at all, and i haven't let anyone help me by keeping a lot my feelings to myself, or just by being stubborn and not listening to the help they are giving me. (soccer has been going on for a little over 3 weeks now). Its so ridiculous to me. How could i let a sport, a game, come in the way of God, the one who will ALWAYS love me? I'm ashamed, but at the same time, i'm glad i have realized how much i need Him in my life.
       This is what i mean guys. I have come such a long way from this time last year, but my fight isn't over. This journey that i'm on has no end. Thats amazing though, no matter how old i get or how much i invest myself, i can always get closer to God! i can always let Him work through me and use me as a tool to show others His grace and glory. Whether it is being a Young Life leader, or a just friend, i want to share my love for God, as well as His love for all of us.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.  Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." -1 Corinthians 9:24-27 

Words I Would Say

i would just like to start this by apologizing for the lack of posts. It's been a really busy time in the life of Lilly, but no worries. I am back and ready to keep the posts coming! this one is really simple. Music is an amazing thing. But not just because of the way it sounds or the cute lead singer, or any of that, its the words. I feel like people rarely actually listen to what a song says these days. But thats what i want you to do, read these lyrics. This song reminds me of something i will say to my future children or a friend who has lost their way. Don't forget yourself though, we could all use a reminder of how we should be living our lives.

These are the words i want to say to YOU


Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say 

Expectations

according to society, we can only make our way up in the world by meeting certain standards. For girls its beauty, brains, and (rarely) personality. For guys its how much weight they can lift, or how much money they can make for their families. Regardless of what it is, we are expected to meet these standards that only result in more material things. Most recently i have been dealing with the expectations of my parents/other adult figures in my life. Being told that you aren't good enough constantly eventually leads to you believing such a ridiculous accusation. But in all honesty, no matter how many times my mother tells me i'm not good enough, or however many times my siblings tell me i need to grow up, there's always that one pair of eyes that sees me as perfect. God. I've spent my whole life living for the approval of others and living my life on egg shells, when in reality, the way i am is exactly the way the Lord intended for me to be. Unconditional love is something that i more than likely will never feel from anyone on this earth, but luckily i have a Father who DOES love me unconditionally and looks down from up above and reminds me that i'm not going through these hard times alone.

Dear high-schoolers,
Dont let this world bring you down. we are going through some of the most influential years of our lives. Who cares if the people you go to school with don't approve of you, you only have 4 years with them, they aren't worth your worries. Don't let all the negativity surrounding you sink in. You're too perfect. Let God take control.
                                                                                                                                  -Lilly :)

One of my many blessings

             so it has come to my attention that my friends actually read this...i was completely unaware but i suppose its good that they do? as long as they are reading this i might as well flatter them a bit. i will probably say this a million times, but i am surrounded by the most amazing group of people imaginable. i really can't put it into words. the Lord has truly out done himself. from the friends that have stuck with me this whole time to the ones who are just coming into my life recently, all of them are blessings from above. if you were to tell me a year ago that one of my best friends would be a Young Life leader [and you know who you are... :)] i probably would have slapped you and told you to wash your mouth out with soap. (maybe a little over dramatic) one of the things i have learned from this journey i am on is to notice every blessing from above. Clearly i am not perfect, there are times when emotions such as envy take over and i forget what the Lord has given me. But i always find my way back. I hope you think about this. Next time you see your best friend, or even any friend, think about how much they mean to you and thank the Lord for bringing them into your life. Once you begin to notice the different blessings in your life, you will look at the world as a brighter place, and you'll be part of that light.

Testing my Faith

Growing up in a Catholic household and going to a Catholic school, church (and really anything related to God) was typically the low point of my day. All through elementary school i learned and memorized all the details and facts of the bible. i new just about every tale told, but something was missing. i knew about Jesus, but i didn't know him. he wasn't a real figure in my life. he was just another class that i had to sit through every day. As middle school progressed i came to the conclusion that the reason i didn't feel the Lord's love, was simply because he didn't exist. I know, i was ignorant and slightly stupid. But to me it was fact, God wasn't real. The next 4-5 years of my life could very well have been the most empty times of my life. the spot in my heart that was made for God was filled with drinking and partying. One summer day (2011) i broke down. i needed a friend. i needed someone to love me for the mess that i was. i knew that no human could possibly do that. after a lot of tears a a phone call to a Young Life leader, i decided to attend Young Life summer camp. At this time in my life i had a very deep hatred for anything Young Life, so the fact that I, "Lilly, hater of all things God related", was going to Young Life camp was a huge deal. i will explain what happened at camp in a later post, because it deserves its own to be honest.

In the Letter To James it states that
-testing of your faith brings you closer to the Lord
-you need to ask God for the wisdom you lack
-those who doubt will not be granted
-God cannot be tempted
-temptation stems from your own desires

i am living proof of all of these. I live my life for God. please check in soon for the continuation of my journey. Please feel free to contact my with any questions or really anything you feel i may be able to help you with  your own journey to the Lord.

as some of you already know, My good friend Abby was in a very devastating car wreck. she is currently expected to make a full recovery, but still needs prayers. I don't know how to explain the joy she brings to the world. when she walks into a room, the whole place just lights up. when i first came to the high school i attend (i went to a catholic school all my life and made the switch to public for high school), she was one of the first people who offered to hang out with me and introduce me to many of my current best friends. Even though most of you don't know her, i ask that you take a second out of your day just to say a quick prayer for her recovery. thank you all so much. #prayformarsh

http://www.iamsecond.com/

When i wear my "I Am Second" shirt and bracelet, i typically get a million and one questions about its meaning and typically one or two not-so-flattering looks. I Am Second is simply the idea of putting the Lord first in your life. i recommend that you check out the site and watch some of the videos they have posted. The videos often deal with specific issues, and give you a chance to hear from people who are making the same journey as me. Some of the stories really are mind-blowing.

Nice to meet you

Welcome to my online account of my journey to The Lord. i don't really know how i am going to tackle this just yet, as it is a very long journey that has not yet ended. I guess this first post will be about letting you get to know me. My name is Lilly. i am a junior in high school. i was born and am still being raised in Northern Kentucky. i am involved in Young Life, a nationwide Christian group dedicated to teaching youth about Jesus and His Father. Without YL i would not be the person i am today and would still be living a miserable life. As i have grown closer to the Lord i now know that it is my mission in life to teach others about His saving powers. please feel free to contact me here, on facebook, or on twitter (@Lillianrose49). i promise you that i will do my best to show you what this whole obsession with God is about, you won't be disappointed.